This post has been asking to be written for some time now. I never seem to find the time, and it’s not easy to write about things this close to my heart, this inside my outer perimeter of sass and deflective analogies. Back in the spring I talked about the shape of onwards. How my major relationship was quietly ebbing away and it had been mutually decided to open our hands and let it go. We decided to remain in the same house. Logistically, financially, and big picture-wise it made the most sense and caused the least disruption to our kid’s lives.
It has not been all sunshine and roses, the past six months. In fact at certain times the landscape has been completely charred from torn up promises and shredded feelings. However like a forest after a fire, there are signs of new life starting to appear. Lately we have agreed that where before our paths were bending away from each other, now they are running parallel. Someone asked me if I now felt awkward for having said we were separated. My reply was blunt. No, I don’t. Where I am is where I’m at – in the moment what I am feeling is as evident on my face as my nose. I am an over-sharer. The flip side of that makes me incredibly empathetic and a terrific listener. My friends take it. My family winces, but has gotten used to it. Anyone who doesn’t like it can avert their gaze.
This is not glib talk of a fresh start. I’m not even sure why the compulsion for me to write about it now. It’s just been on my mind. I needed to express my thoughts on this phase of whatever journey we are on to wherever we are going. To whoever might be listening, and for whatever it might be worth. As time passes and the evolution of this thing that is the root of my entire adult existence continues, I have faith now that it will remain on positive terms. I’m glad we found our way back onto the same page, and I’m not interested in trying to predict what’s next. I just know I’m done with talk of endings for a while.