Have you ever had to move on? Ever had to pick up the remaining pieces of your heart, or maybe your spirit? Sometimes it’s your physical self or your self esteem… Either way it involves taking painful steps.
This time the erosion of something that was once all-encompassing leaves me feeling like my mantra of onwards is more than ever appropriate. The irony is that there won’t be a seismic event to mark it. The lay of the land won’t change from the upheaval. The routine of everyday will stay the same. I am just altered. Reshaped and reformed.
Life happens. It is just so true. People change, the bubbles of our little worlds bounce off each other and undulate from the prevailing winds. I guess it’s important anyone feeling buffeted simply remember that when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.
My husband and I have admitted to each other that our marriage is now one of practicality, and that the precious gifts that are our kids are the reason we will continue sharing a life. The eternal optimist in me sees elements of good things despite the sad. We have been able to talk about it, stumble through conversations and come to a point that is not black and white, instead it is a shade that matches us, and this situation. As we move onwards and make decisions together, as people committed to what is doing what is best for our kids, we don’t know the answers. We just know this is where we are. This is what is now.
He is a much more private person than me. I appreciate his recognition that I operate from a place of full reveal, and that he supports me sharing this, in this way. It is not going to become all that I talk about. I expect to resume normal chipper blather. But I needed to get this out there.